Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Ramblings of a sentimental fool

The sight of the tops of fluffy milky white clouds brilliantly illuminated by the soft light of white full moon in the midnight sky easily superseded that wonderful view of Fujiyama (Mt. Fuji) more than three years ago. Flight, an experience always associated with freedom, progress, happiness, and wonder, an expression of beauty and faith interwoven destined to find perfection, a triumph of nature's own ability to prove that She Is the divinity...
Ironically, to most Homo sapiens now-a-days, flight has come to symbolise exactly the opposite experience-- flight is something that is best when it ends at the earliest-- It is dangerous, confined, and troublesome. I wondered how many of those who travelled with me knew the importance and the rarity of the sight outside. Yet, if they knew it, what else can they do than savouring it with utmost delight? Can they take it along with them, save etch it in their memories? And I, who claim to know all of this already, have done what to keep this treasure from going away? And can I actually do anything in this matter?
It was Vata-SAvithri Purnima-- the day when SAvithri defied the God of Death to bring back her husband's life. Yet, there was the heavy feeling that what I lost cannot be brought back. I wanted to be melancholic, in reverence and memory of that guiding thought that was with me all the while when I was in alien land. A vision kept coming back to me in that flight. That evening, as I came out of the bathroom and stepped into the newly constructed (and posh) extended portion of my home, I turned back and saw little footprints coming out of the bathroom... Ah! those must be from the time when I just came out of the bathroom to declare that I belong to the clan of MitrAyu for the very first time. A little way ahead, the prints got bigger. I smiled... that must be from the time when I packed my school bag with books and clothes and said a tearful goodbye to my brother, determined and proud, to leave home forever because of a minor altercation with my parents-- all for my parents' total entertainment. And afterwards, they got still bigger. That was the time I came out from the bathroom not knowing if its was the last time I would ever come out of that room-- I was leaving the home for a long time for the first time in my life. Finally, they vanished into the marble flooring of the new portion.

I always loved that ShAhbAd flooring in my house. Still do. There were times when I wished for smoother, more modern tiles, but ultimately, this flooring was that one thing that made the home what it was, and is. Those little imperfections, those magnificent colours, and those irregular shapes of trees, aeroplanes, stones atop each stone imparted unrivalled uniqueness. Each stone I stood upon produced a different sensation. Each one had his/her voices, memories, emotions. Each one remembered and revelled in a particular moment of my life. I still remember how I used to never go in a straight line while passing through the hall, but used to mimic the movements of the knight on a chessboard. How I was, and still am, fascinated by the enchanting movements of the knight.

Even when I was abroad, the one thing that warmed the cold chambers of my heart was my home-- the walls, the floor, the scent of the old silk clothes that are taken out only during the MAhAlakshmi festival, the chants of my father, the songs of my mother, and so on. I always wanted to succeed my father one day and take up my responsibilities of offering the main puja to the Saligrams on that ShAhbAd flooring, always wanted to roam about the backyard looking after the plants and trees, always wanted to, one more time, stand under the umbrella of a plantain leaf and offer Arghya to the Sun on a rainy morn. It was that one idea that kept me alive, going about mundanities without minding. It was my Zion.

And now, under the garb of "utkarsh" (progress), all those little blossoms have been rolled over by the heavy machinery of the cold logic and obstinately objective rationalism.

The backyard is gone.
So have the plants.
The flooring is about to go this week.

Irony! At one point of time, I was not sure of myself coming back to see all these. Now, I am not sure if these will ever see me again. Nay, I am sure they wont. Hiding my tears, I asked my parents to keep one stone and sell the rest... one that I found as the quintessential representative of that whole bunch.

Where is this flight of progress taking me to? Which reality of life am I going to unearth at that height?


Pingu said...

Beautiful..are you sure you want to be posting about thoughts like these..?..It appears a little too personal..but wonderfully etched...

Gandaragolaka said...

May be the title offers a little explanation.

Yet, I think I am only lending a voice to the emotion that is frequently killed among all those who want to modernise their homes. If that emotion is a little bit stronger in me, then who can help it.

Think about it... what I said is not exactly personal.. the memories may be, but not the situation...

Also, a person who aims to wear his heart on his sleeve is not allowed to be bothered about it.

yadbhavishya said...

Excellento! Not a word less, not one more and I know what you 'havent' said.

The stones, yes, our families did their life dance on them and all those right/wrong steps, those tears that have caused infinitesimal erosion, the laughter that still vibrates in them, can you keep it? as you said. And where are you going to save it, how long? Thats th whole game, isnt it?