Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Osmania Biscuit XV--All hell breaks loose

It seems people of Saleem Nagar colony love 'affairs' (you know what affairs I am talking about). So not long after Rekha-Jaffer issue subsided, another one surfaced-- though this one involved the notorious Chappal-bazaar Baby who incidentally neither lived in chappal bazaar, nor was she a baby anymore being in her late forties and mother of two grown ups. Her only claim to fame, other than her loud mouth, was that she was the hindi pandit in the famous Joseph-Thambi upper primary school near Lucky stores run by one Mr.Lucky Makhija, a confirmed miser.

So one fine night, Baalamani, the ironing lady we had encountered earlier (the mother of Dasaratha, if you remember), had a strange dream that Chappal-bazaar baby's elder daughter had run away with their driver, one Mallesh from Narsapur. She promptly passed on the news to her elder son Kashyappa (strange that these folk have such wonderful names whereas we end up with rahuls, rohits, and pujas...) who always was thinking he was born to do a job in this world. So came running to Lingam's shop and avered it there standing on his beloved rock that was beside the shop just like Sri Ramanuja had done about a thousand years ago disclosing the ashtaakshari mantram to the masses.

I was there and we laughed and we forgot, not noticing that selfsame chappal-bazaar baby's daughter Vaasanti was standing right there in the next shop-- a girni.. squarely in the hearing range.

Fate it seems is not without a sense of irony.
--Morpheus, The Matrix

Now what happened after that, no one knows... and it is best that no one knows... for reasons unexplainable of course. But exactly seven days later, Lingam's shop was abuzz with news of the strangest kind: Vaasanti, the daughter of Chappal-bazaar baby had run away with driver Mallesh from Narsapur!

Now, there was no clear target available for Chappal-bazaar Baby's anger and frustration except baalamani and she forced herself to believe that the whole thing was stage-managed by Baalamani herself while poor Baalamani had absolutely no clue what was going on. In the ensuing madness, we saw how Chappal-Bazaar baby unleashed her most terrible weapon-- Badi Bi, her servant-maid and the harridan aunt of Jaffer upon Baalamani. Now this Badi Bi had an old grudge on Baalamani on water sharing from our very home during one especially hot summer. She alleges Baalamani secretly stole water from our compound meant for her during a quiet afternoon and then refused to even confess. And there was a huge fight between the two women and Baalamani had won because Badi Bi had to back away-- her husband had a small accident and she had to attend to it. Ever since, she was looking for an opportunity to get back.

Right on the chaurasta, it all began early in the morning. Badi Bi started calling her names and cursing her. Baalamani came out of her lair after a while and the retaliation began wth such fury that Badi Bi had to step back for a moment. But her heart was already aflame with the fire of revenge upon glacing the countenance of her foremost adversary and she upped the ante. She came charging towards Baalamani and crashed into her.

Hector and Achilles,
Bhima and Suyodhana,
Vali and Dundubhi,

All of these duels would seriously fall short of what we saw on that fatefully sad day.
How they punched and slapped each other...
How they bit and pinched each other...
How they pulled each other's hair....

And no one dared to separate them-- the men were already far far away and were too scated to touch the women and the womenfolk-- well... they had their bit of fun (you know, they didnt have sas-bahu serials back then)-- no one, except one woman! Pushpa, the safai woman. It was generally believed that her real name was Pullamma, and she changed it to Pushpa only to appease her guru of dark arts. It was believed that she smelt news in the wind.

So while all this ruckus was going on, she was busy with her safai work, but suddenly she stodd up, lifted herself head up, and smelt the wind. Up she came running and separated the two like Bhima did to Jarasandha, and then others took over and restrained the two. And then Pushpa said aloud:
"The wind is changing. It brings fresh news. Steady all!!"

Such was the power in her voice that the two fighters calmed down.

The suddenly, the younger daughter of Chappal-Bazaar Baby came running out her home and whispered something in her ear.

It was later known that Vaasanti was an ardent devotee of some "gurumaatha" who had recently taken up her dwelling in prasanth Nagar colony (in the neighbourhood of Saleem Nagar). So also was Mallesh. And it seems that this Gurumaatha was organising some puja for three days in the outskirts of the city. knowing that her mother would never allow her out, she secretly went away with her co-devotee-- the driver.

But upon reaching there, she discovered to her horror that this gurumaatha was not organising any Puja after all, and that she was not a decent woman. It seems the gurumaatha also tried to lure Mallesh with his fair share of 'booty', but he didnt fall for it (having lived in Saleem Nagar atleast for a while makes one strong like that!). So he ran away and informed police of this Gurumaatha and the next day, we saw photos in the newspaper of this gurumaatha being chased along the East Marredpalli roads by the police.

All in all, the colony was restored to its calm. Nevertheless, the rivalry between Baalamani and Badi Bi remains still.


Ramchander said...

Long may the chronicles of Lingam Yadav & Co continue. I am planning to visit family in Hyderabad soon, wonder if you have the time to meet up. Regards. Ramchander (

Just another Guy said...

Hey can you share your blog post abt the raavi chettu in malakpet?! Thanks, Venu.